Eyelashes

I went to the spa on the Tuesday public holiday during Chinese New Year week. My masseuse was from China, and even though she did not speak English very well, she was able to tell me (using gestures and pointing) that she thought I had very beautiful eyelashes. I was going to say to her, "If you think mine are beautiful, you should see my baby girl's!" But I didn't tell her because she wouldn't have understood anyway.

The one totally obvious thing that Salma inherited from me are the eyelashes. They are long and beautiful and curvy. I have tried taking close-up photos of them, but was just not able to get the exposure right, so the photo turns out nasty, and you can't see the eyelashes at all. I just don't have the right type of camera. Her eyes may be sepet like her father's, but the eyelashes are mine. They are just gorgeous, much longer than mine.

I don't like using mascara because of it's so tedious to remove even with eye make-up remover. During weekdays, I'd have to remove my make-up for Solat Zohor, and reapply my make-up afterwards, so it's a tedious process to remove mascara with make-up remover. The black stuff ends up getting onto the bottom part of my eyes, and it will make it look like I have really bad eye bags. So people won't really notice how long my lashes are unless they are close up (like when I am getting a facial or massage). However, Salma's are damn obvious. She could be standing 3 feet away from you and you can see her long eyelashes.

I look forward to teaching my girl how to put on make-up when she's older. And maybe by then, they'll create a mascara formula that won't be messy to remove.

Pumping first time in 3 months!

This afternoon I pumped my breastmilk for the first time in about 3 months! I had stopped pumping during my time of unemployment, and actually could not produce any milk for pumping even before I had stopped work. But today, my 3^rd day working at my new office, I was thrilled to be able to pump again! (No more sore breasts) However, to my dismay, I was only able to squeeze out 1.5 oz. Which is minuscule compared to the amount I was able to pump out before! Eesh.

Which only means that I have to start drinking more water everyday. It's 3 liters of water or more. This morning, I drank maybe only 1.5 liters. So next time, I have to drink 2 full Tupperware tumblers before I even walk into the lactation room!

The organization that I work for now provides a heavy duty electric pump for all the lactating staff to use, the Medela Symphony. You can use any existing Medela sunction cups with the Symphony. So I just used the cup from my Mini Electric, and it worked just fine. The machine pumped gently, but with good force. And you can choose between 2 types of pumping styles. So it was great. It mimicked the suction of an actual baby. Well, to me at least it felt like that and minus the pain of gritty teeth! My baby Salma has teeth now, and sometimes if she is sleepy she'll bite, and it hurts. With the portable Mini Electric, it can hurt a bit if you have been on it for quite some time. But it is smooth and relaxing pumping with the Symphony.

The one thing that surprised me though, because I had not pumped in so long, while I was pumping, my hands shook. It was as if my body was using so much energy to express milk that my hands shook as I held my cell phone to look at my daughter's photos (it helps me to produce milk while looking at her pics). And instead of looking at the photos, I was just staring at how my hand was shaking. Weird…

"To do less and be more"

Ani DiFranco said that her baby "...teaches me how to just be in my skin, to do less and be more."
Those words sort of inspire me now. I would love to do less and be more for my child. Hahahahahaha... how can I get like that? I suppose what it means is if I were a real genius, I would be able to do less (through creating a super efficient process for getting everything done) and be more of a good mom for my kid. Or, for Ani, it would be producing music at its most basic level best and have it be a wonderful piece with having less stuff, just music (maybe just guitar and vocals as opposed to keyboards, drums, bass, etc), and be more for her kid.

When I was younger (and by that I mean between the ages 18-21), I used to imagine myself doing things for my daughter. Like dedicating my first book to her, or dedicating my first movie to her. And now, I just imagine my daughter doing things, creative things, when she's older. Like maybe entering and winning Project Runway. Or performing on stage, very Tracy Chapman like. Not Taylor Swift like (she can't even sing in tune on stage). I really wonder how she will be like. What will intrigue her. I want my child to be creative. I was a creative child. But when I became an adult, working and earning money took priority over everything else. And I kind of forgot how to be creative, you know? All those stories in my head that were waiting to be written down are just very vague pictures now (in my head). All those sounds I used to hear when I used to write songs, just don't come to me anymore.

I would love to design my own dresses. That I can wear with a tudung. I wanted to do that during my jobless "break", but I never got to buying the material and everything. I found out that I just didn't have time to myself when I opted to take Salma out of school. Now that I am starting work again tomorrow, Salma will be going to school full time again. I will miss all the time we spent together... taking it easy and not. The naps we took late morning and afternoon (depending on her mood). And those countless hours watching the sing-a-long dvd while I folded the laundry... Hmmm... I hope I can go back to that one day. Now my mission is to do more so I can earn more for my kid. And give her all that she might need.