Saturday, April 11, 2009

Working mom

I have reached that stage where my body clock is all out of sync. I wake up at 4am wide awake even though my baby girl is still fast asleep. Then in another 4 hours I have to be in the office. Getting ready to go to office is the pain cos my girl usually cries when I'm getting dressed regardless if I've fed her or not.

Lately she's been crying a lot in school after some time being pretty well-behaved. I worry that she's experienced some traumatic event in my absence so that's why she cries. With me, she's fine. We can play. She will cry when she wants to sleep or when she wants to carried around jalan-jalan (which I am so lazy to do sometimes). Yesterday, after a stint of bad behaviour in school, I took her to Sunway Pyramid straight after school and she was fine. She sat obediently in her stroller, playing with her toy as I pushed her around. So I wonder, what is it that causes her to cry so much in school? Is it cos Mummy is the only one that understands her?

She loves waking up in the morning... she always wakes up with a smile. I would love to just stay home and play with her all day. Just have that be my full time job. Sometimes at work I use up so much mental energy solving problems or analysing data that by the time I reach home with her, I'm exhausted. Can't really play with her without falling fast asleep in 2 hours. Wish I could have more time with her...

I envy those stay-at-home moms... with maids. Hahahaha... not that I want a maid to live with us, cos I actually feel uncomfortable with strangers in the house, but maybe it'd be good for a day-time maid to come over to just help me clean up. Then my job would be to play with salma, bathe her, feed her, change her. Sing songs, read books.

But who'll pay for half the bills if I don't work? Lil' Poppet won't have new clothes and things if mommy stayed at home all day... so comes the sacrifice. But then I end up with having her cry all day when I'm away, and it tears my heart out.

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